It’s hard to breathe. Maybe I should go to the hospital.
My head feels like it is dying. I’m dying. We’re all dying.
Woke up sick. Wishing that being a lumberjack had magical healing powers.
Well that’s all wet.
I’ve been drinking. Who wants to get married.
I am routinely told by women I know in real life that beards are disgusting and that they would never date someone with a beard. I’m not personally offended, but I’m offended as a human being. Who would say that to someone with a beard? I would never point out what I don’t like about someone’s physical appearance.
And on tumblr, it’s totally different. Tumblr ladies are always saying my beard is attractive. Why don’t I know you in real life? Pretty ladies, come move to Madison. Love me. Love my beard.